Generics For All

Drug Addict

My name is Liam Ryan Roche.
I died on April 14, 1997.
Benzodiazepines had me under their control. I would feast on these tranquilizers. Not a day passed that I did not pop three. That was just my morning dose. On any normal day I would have taken six pills, which is 12mg. The average person would take around 1mg daily. My obsession with clonazepam quickly turned into a serious addiction. This all began in the summer of my junior year.
Luke Benzo and I were kickin’ it in a movie theatre parking lot. We were passing a flask of whiskey between ourselves, listening to 95.9 classic rock. Led Zeppelin was playing; I think it was Bron-Yr-Aur Stomp. Luke started to fidget around in his pocket during Paige’s solo. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and opened his fist. He turned to look at me, and then outstretched his arm over my hand. He dropped a small yellow pill into my hand that resembled a sweet tart. Take it, he said, its xanax. Fuck if I knew what xanax was but I took it anyway. Sometime within a half hour I fell in love. Two weeks later I was leaving the doctors office.
In my hand was a script for sixty 1mg pills of alporazam, generic for xanax. It was almost too easy to convince my doctor to prescribe benzodiazepines. Now I could take one every day, whenever I wanted to. My tolerance developed quickly. I wasn’t going to have any of that. So I went back to the doctor and sure enough, he increased the dose. I now had the highest dose of xanax you could get. I now had xanax bars, 60 of them. This was when my buddies and me had a lot of fun.
Clint was a heavy drinker. He didn’t fuck around. He drank fast so he could drink more. Michael O’Hallen, also known as “Mick”, was always down to do whatever. The first bar that I gave him he snorted. He heard somewhere that it worked faster. Then there’s Luke, the one who got me hooked on the stuff. I do not think I have ever seen him happier than day I brought out that prescription. That first time no one knew what to expect.
The next morning Clint woke up standing next to his bed. Mick was nowhere to be found. We hoped for the best. Luke was completely fine, said he felt a little tired though. That went on for months. I was taking four bars a day. There came a point where I had 120 pills at my disposal. Luke and I took advantage of that.
One Sunday we both took 12 xanax bars. Luke ended up asleep in his car. I believe he slept around 14 hours. I was fine until I drank a beer. I blacked out, somehow made it home, and lied on a couch. I was a little freaked out when I woke up. I had no idea how I got there. That was fun but I became bored of xanax. So I had my prescription switch over to clonazepam. This was when I completely lost control.
I had become a pill-popping drunk. I began to go to school high everyday. My friends began to worry. They said I could hardly speak, and that I look like I’m mindless. What the hell did they know? I knew I was fine, I could tell. I didn’t care much about school anyway. I just thought about how fucked up I was going to get on Friday. Not that I was going to remember the weekend anyway. I always made sure to take a few klonopin before I drank. It would put me in this sedative hypnotic state, dreamlike. I became carefree and reckless, my friends noted. I took on a whole new personality; my friends called him the Qweej. Due to his irrational thought process, his shenanigans, and being completely sloppy.
If I were out of it I would harass people. Just to get a rise out of them. I think I slapped someone in the face with a piece of pizza. I piled a mountain of mulch on my friend’s car. He thought we had bought mulch. He couldn’t believe a person could pile that amount of mulch on a car. I stumbled into a classy restaurant once. I picked a table that would be nice to sleep in. The police came. All of my fun was coming to an end. It wasn’t long until everything began to spiral out of control.
My doctor had finally caught on and discontinued my clonazepam prescription. I lost it. I started buying every drug I could get my hands on. Acid was readily available so I jumped on that. Mick and I tripped for weeks straight. We mixed it up with mushrooms. I had pounds of mushrooms at my disposal so I ate them by the handful. We found out that you could buy nitrous tanks from a local tobacco shop. Whipped cream dispensers too. They didn’t sell whip cream though. In about two weeks we had a garbage bag full of empty nitrous tanks. I started to have trouble thinking. We had been breathing more nitrous than oxygen. Luke came through with vicodin. We would take at least six. Then top those off with a few muscle relaxers and a shot of whiskey. After a while I started to notice that I wasn’t feeling right. I started to have a withdrawal.
It started with my hands. They were trembling viciously. I couldn’t write my own name. My throat felt as if a golf ball was lodged inside of it. My muscles would spasm frequently;

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